Monday, October 25, 2010

Observations from an American Mall

It's been a really long time since I walked around a Mall. I was at one this weekend. It's a big Mall. It has four large anchor stores and probably 50+ other stores. But walking this Mall was an eye-opening experience. Some common sense observations:
  • Internet retailing and our sorry economy have turned America's Malls into ghost towns.
  • You never used to see empty store fronts in Malls. Now they're as common as a brainwashed Fox News watching Republican. They are everywhere.
  • Mall Rats are an extinct spices. Teenagers who used to hang out incessantly in Malls now hang out incessantly in front of computers to post on facebook, retrieve gmail, and gab on Skye.
  • If Mall PR people had a clue, they'd set up computers in the middle of Malls with free access to only Facebook, gmail and Skype.
  • I see dead people in Sears. It's a store only for grandparents buying socks and underwear, and an occasional Hispanic construction worker buying a Craftsman tool. But it's mostly abandoned.
  • The Body Shop needs to change their name to The Nobody Shop. I never see anyone in that store.
  • Radio Shack should change it's name to Cell Phone Store.
  • Everyone in a Mall is a reseller of one brand or another of cell phone service. I walked past an American Cookie Factory store and I was fully expecting to be greeted by a banner announcing their new Chocolate Chip Cookie Cell Phone service.
  • People buy food at the food court and then rush to their table to stick their head in their smart phones and cruise the internet. Someone needs to invent a smartphone that doubles as a utensil. You can use it to cruise the net while also effectively stuffing food in your mouth.
  • Fat people hang out at Malls. Or, maybe everyone in America is fat. One or the other. Probably the latter.
  • Only six things are sold in Malls: Cell phone service and equipment, Jeans, Food, Cheap Jewelry, Tennis shoes, and Athletic wear. If you want anything else, you're out of luck.
Malls and American retail store fronts are on their last leg of life. Our economy is going down the tubes. You can thank 8 years of a disastrous Republican Bush administration for the initial demise. Thank the upcoming election of a Republican majority in the House and more Republican seats in the Senate for the nail driven into the coffin of both our economy, and its once vibrant retail Malls.

North Carolina deserves better than Republican Senator Richard Burr, and so do our Malls.

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